everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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