So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
