He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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