I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
