I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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