She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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