It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
