i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
