Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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