you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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