Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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