clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
