It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
