You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
