dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
