Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
