My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
