Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
