So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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