I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
