after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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