By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
