I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
