And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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