she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
