If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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