3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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