My room smells like vodka and shame
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
