We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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