im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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