Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
