The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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