grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
