remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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