I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
