Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
