Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
