i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
