remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
