this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
