What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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