her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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