my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
