I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
