I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
