I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
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Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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