Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
