Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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