Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
