I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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