I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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