The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
