Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
