You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
