I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
