I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
