i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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