dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I need a burrito and a hug.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
