You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
