so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
