i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
