Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
