Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
