3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
