dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
