Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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