Buhtt sex?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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