I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
