Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
