# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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