Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
