the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Someone signed my nipple.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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