end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
