Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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