in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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