I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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