Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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