I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
